i have 5 paragraphs that i reedy wrote but i have some problems that i need you to fix

I have 5 paragraphs that I reedy wrote but I have some problems that I need you to fix.

I will attach the 5 paragraphs that I wrote and the article of the magazine for 5 paragraphs the also pictures show you what exactly you have to fix.

if you have any qustion let me know thank you.

 

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