Interactive Video Activity: Jan and Ken
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Ken: Why did you tell Shannon about what happened between Katie and me? Now Shannon doesn’t want to talk to me.
Jan: Ken, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to tell her. It just kind of slipped out when we were talking.
Ken: Sorry, sorry is not enough. I told you that in private, and you promised that you’d keep it just between you and me.
Jan: Ken, I told her that long before the two of you even started dating. You know Shannon and I we’ve been friends for a long time. We were just talking about guys and cheating and stuff, it wasn’t about you specifically.
Ken: It wasn’t about me, it was totally about me. You had no right to tell anyone that under any circumstance. Now Shannon doesn’t trust me, she thinks I’m a low life who sleeps around.
Jan: Well, I’m sorry but the two of you weren’t even dating yet.
Ken: But that’s irrelevant. You know and it’d be irrelevant even if Shannon and i weren’t dating. But you know the point is I thought I could trust you and tell you anything and that it would go no further.
Jan: Yeah, like the time I told you I was thinking about dropping out of school for a semester and you just happened to tell my dad.
Ken: Oh that’s not the same thing.
Jan: You know what it’s exactly the same. I trusted you and you squealed. My dad lit into me big time. He never should have known I was thinking about that. I trusted you and you betrayed me.
Ken: You know look I was just trying to look out for you. Now I knew you were making a big mistake and i was just trying to stop you and besides you know i was right. Don’t change the subject here. Are you saying that you telling Shannon what is it some sort of a payback for me telling your dad?
Jan: No I’m just trying to point out that you’ve got no right to throw stones.
Ken: You know what then maybe neither one of us can trust the other. Maybe we shouldn’t tell each other anything that we don’t want broadcast to the world huh?
Jan: Don’t be such a jerk. I’m sorry ok.
Ken: It’s not good enough. You ruined any chance I had with her.
Jan: Are saying that something that I said about what you did a long time ago is ruining your chances?
Ken: Yeah it might.
Jan: Ken, if she truly valued your friendship, something that you did a long time ago shouldn’t matter.
Ken: Well, maybe you’re right.
Jan: Look I said I’m sorry and I meant it. I’m also sorry about you know throwing in what you told me dad. I know that wasn’t fair but you know you really hurt my feelings when you blew up at me like that.
Ken: Listen, listen I shouldn’t have told your dad. I should have probably encouraged you to talk to him. Are we still friends
QUESTION
1. How does each person handle this conflict?
2. How well does each person listen to the other?
3. Are Jan and Ken appropriately assertive?
4. Comment on how well each provides feedback and describes his feelings.
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